Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Greg's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 12th, 2003
2:03 am	So this is the start of my "weekend" been a good one so far. Nothing happened at work today, be that good or bad who knows. Talked to some friends I hadn't heard from in a while tonight. I think I would be a lot happier with my life if I stopped caring what people thought, but I'm not going to dwell on negative stuff right now. I just feel really content at the moment. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 10th, 2003
7:26 pm	Day to Day Been working the 12 to 9 shift for the last 3 days after being on mornings for a couple weeks, so I had to adjust my sleep schedule accordingly. Well the past two nights I have had little sleep before 4 or 5 am. The first night I kept dreaming that I was choking and couldn't breathe, waking up gasping for breath. Last night I had this long dream that I was going through Metroid Prime. Well the dream ended with me getting killed and waking up drenched in sweat heart literally feeling like it was going to come out of my chest, only 20 minutes after I had gone to sleep. So I'm thinking tonight its gonna be alcohol or NyQuil to take the edge off and put me to sleep. Everything else is going decent. Current Mood: hungry (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 9th, 2003
12:37 pm	I love ya baby, but all I can think about is kielbasa sausage, and your buttcheeks is warm. So I'm smack in the middle of my first 40 hour work week in a while. Worked on my uncle's computer earlier this week and he called today when I was on my way out the door. I know something has to be broken again. Its an old Celeron 400 and I've replaced the power supply/cmos battery already so if its not coming on its a dead mb. I'm gonna suggest he get a new comp, preferably one that I don't have to tech support. Other than that my life is going ok. I busted my knee on the iron floor furnace grate yesterday, so I have a nice grid shaped cut/burn. Don't really have any deep thoughts atm, but I feel like I'm in a good mood. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Friday, January 3rd, 2003
8:45 am	A new year. 2003. It brings many things to mind. I'm going to be 23 this year, I haven't really done much with my life. I mean I have a steady job, but thats about it. Things I would like to do this year: Pay off my 6k of debt, Move out, train/go back to school. My eq subscription runs out in a few days and I don't think that I'm going to renew it. I've been dabbling in AO again, but the time comittment doesn't seem as large. There are people with kids 7 and 8 years old at my age, people who have started from nothing and made millions by my age. Hell if I had stayed in school I would be out and have a real career by now. I feel like I live the stoner lifestyle but I don't touch the stuff anymore. I mean, when the highlight of your day is a TV show or a video game your sights are pretty low. I need change, I'm not sure how, or what but I need something else. Current Mood: thoughtful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
10:25 am	Hear the nine go click, Santa's a fat bitch. Ok so ICP sucks, but that is a great song. Ended up having to go to Huntsville myself after work yesterday, but I got a friend to ride down there with me. Was a cool trip, didn't know Long John Silvers made good chicken. I have one working monitor now, who knows how long the rma on my crt will take. Christmas is upon us, I work tomorrow then I'm off until friday. Word has it that we might get our Christmas bonus, but I'll believe it when I see it. In a good mood today for a change, so hopefully I'll have a good day. I'm out for now, Greg P.S. /horde Pecan pie (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 20th, 2002
11:48 pm	A day in the life. 7:30am Wake up, spend time with cat, send him off to vet. 8:15am Wash dishes to pass the time 11:00am Head out for the trip to Huntsville for a Monitor 12:00pm Stuck in traffic in Huntsville 1:20pm Finally make it to Comp USA 3:30pm Back home 4:00pm Take other monitor to work for RMA 5:00pm Watch TV at friends house and fall asleep 7:30pm Drive home 8:00pm Eat dinner, then hook up monitor to find out one of the pixels is out on new monitor 9:00pm Call in a few favors and arrange for friend to swap out monitor while im at work 9:30pm Log on to eq 11:45pm Glance at FV, get pissed off, and come here 12:15amish Go to bed Well its been a rough day today, but at least the cat is out of pain. I will be glad when the monitors are in working condition and here again. I know time will heal all pain and life has its highs and lows. I really appreciate the kind words and comments you all make, it helps me to know that someone cares. All for now, Greg (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 19th, 2002
10:22 pm	When it rains it pours My 19 inch Viewsonic monitor has gone on the fritz, as I'm posting the screen is flicking uncontrollably. Its a little over a year old but I will have to ship it to viewsonic for reapairs, suck. Going down to Huntsville in Alabama to get a flat panel tomorrow. Don't really have the money, but I can't go 3 weeks without a screen. Got to take teh cat tot eh vet tomorrow as will, so I'm still sad about that. Will talk more tomorrow after i get the new monitor (Comment on this)
2:24 am	Closure The holiday season is drawing to a close as Christmas is right around the corner. Doesn't look like we will get a christmas bonus this year, but I still managed to get everyone close to me presents. Tarnac got his gift for secret santa before he left for fargo, and he seemed to like it. Getting deeper into linux and system administration at work. We setup the appointment to have the cat put down this morning. So friday morning we have to drive to Manchester the neighboring town and have it done. I feel cold inside right now, I've cried a lot about him lately, but 17 years is a long time. I will try to spend time with him tomorrow and pet him a lot since I have the day off. It's like I'm saying goodbye to my friend. I can honestly say it hurts me more than some of my relatives that have died. The girl at the cable office flirted with me yesterday, it gave me a bit of an ego boost, and made me think that maybe the haircut/eating better is paying off. These noon to 9pm schedules have fuxxored my sleep. Sometimes I wonder why I open myself up in a public place like this, to know that anyone with ill will from the vault could come hear, and it would be like splitting my guts open if half this stuff showed up on that board, I mean I try to be true to myself here. My fears, my emotion, nothing held back, Greg bare to the world. Not Greboski the persona I wear, or Greg the guy at work, or Greg my parents know. Just Greg the man, the Greg that fights back tears at the end of terminator 2, or the same Greg that has had his best friends move away time and time again. Nothing in life is constant, but pain and change. The pain is not constant but it never changes. I don't want to die alone. I don't care if I have a legacy or if people remember me, I just want someone to be with while I'm here. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved. I used to have dreams, where me and a woman who always kept her face away from mine would be watching a storm through a bay window. They always left me longing for someone just to be there, human contact. Not hot oh yeah do me sexual being there, just two people in harmony, the warmth of the body and the rhythm of the breath with the flash of the lightning and the crash of the thunder, and the pattering of rain on the roof. Perhaps someday. I leave you with this, best said by Maynard. Some say the end is near Some say we will see Armageddon soon I certainly hope we will cause I sure could use a vacation from this bull - shit three - ring cir - cus SIDE - SHOW (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 15th, 2002
1:55 am	Restless Had a talk with my boss after work today for about 45 minutes, not really anything major, just put me on edge. I don't really know why. He wants me to start learning Linux system administration, which I don't mind but there is a wrench in my gut and I don't know why. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 14th, 2002
1:11 pm	Weekend!? So work schedule is fucked up and I started 4 days of work in a row yesterday. Just want to give a big fuck you to the peoples off this weekend, nevermind that I was off most of the week during the week. I think that I would have a rough time living with a roommate. I mean, you get tired of family you know your gonna get tired of a random person. Living with friends might be easier but still, you know they would eventually get on your nerves. Not that I've been thinking about getting a roommate lately, just been reading Greg#2's journal. I need something to entertain me for eight more hours tonight. Do you ever wonder who would show up for your funeral, I mean I had acquaintances in high school and college die, and it seemed like tons of people showed up for their funeral. I wonder who the guestbook would have in it for Greg Russell's funeral. I mean, I don't have many close friends, but how many posers and people I barely knew would show up. But what can you do, I mean, its not like I know when I'm going to die, keeping a guest list for your funeral seems morbid. I need to buy more eggnog on the way home from work today. I've had this drink idea for a few days and I need to try it out. Khalua and peppermint schnapps. Back to the future trilogy comes out on DVD on Tuesday, gonna try to get that and a couple more things then Christmas shopping is done. Not sending out any cards this year, but Merry Christmas to anyone who reads this. Still hoping for the ever elusive Christmas bonus. 800 or 900 dollars would make for a good bit of money to upgrade my computers. I've been becoming slowly disillusioned with TV as of late. I mean, I can't enjoy programming for thinking all they are trying to do is sell me product. I mean look at the utter crap on TV now. They don't make shows like Seinfeld, Cheers, Ned and Stacey, or Wings anymore. Its all drama or reality TV. Fuck I just want some good comedy. I find it odd that I enjoy writing my thoughts here, I never really liked writing in school, perhaps my dislike of pencil and paper caused my dislike of writing, and with the keyboard I don't experience that. I really need to start using paragraphs when I post here. Picked up the DBZ game for ps2. If you like the cartoon you will like the game, but don't bother if you don't. Anyone know how much lvl 60 characters go for on the auctions now? Well anyways, can't think of anything else to write for now. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 9th, 2002
12:39 am	Weekend I would say all in all I had a good weekend. Played some EQ but not too much, got my car detailed, hung out with friends, slept a good bit. I really enjoy dabbling with 3d studio, my latest creation is here http://www.flamevault.com/~greboski/chains1.jpg Christmas is getting closer but my shopping is almost done. You know bartending is really glorified as a profession on TV, I mean you never saw Sam Malone have to throw out an unruly drunk, and him or the coach always seemed to have the answers. I guess that's just how sitcoms work. Addictions are a horrible thing. You get to a point where your life revolves around one item, be it a game, a drug, a person. Logging on EQ to escape your day to day life, is no different than toking up or hitting the bottle. Some are just more socially acceptable than others. I used to smoke a lot of pot, but there came a point when I wasn't smoking pot to get high, I was smoking pot to escape my problems and that's when I knew I had to quit. I don't even know why I'm talking about addictions tonight, I guess I'm just rambling. I need to get a haircut, I'm getting close to stoner length. Bill Cosby was a pudding pop peddling peckerhead. Ok, that was lame, I guess I'm going to go for now. Maybe tomorrow I will have something more meaningful to write. Time to go take a soak in my hottub in my marble coliseum then sleep with my super model girlfriend, good night. Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 7th, 2002
12:56 pm	Sleep So I hit the eggnogg last night, and went to bed about 1am. Slept until 11:30 this morning. Man it was great, after the night before. And so begins a day of doing nothing. Current Mood: lazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 6th, 2002
9:22 am	Rough Night So I was up pretty much all night last night with a fever and headache. I dunno if its a bug or what, but it sure made me feel like shit. Took a big shot of jager and some asprin a bit earlier and seem to be feeling a little better now. Jager always makes work better :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 5th, 2002
10:37 pm	Breathe, breathe in the air Well my cat shows up in my room today, the lumps are still there, but apparently he hasn't expired yet. I kinda feel stupid for my posts yesterday, but I really care about him and I know it won't be much longer. I don't really know what to say, I know that I even have trouble fully opening myself up here. I mean, I want to let it out but I'm afraid of what people will think. I live with a lot of remorse about decisions I've made. I try really hard not to hate people but in my eyes I feel that I have been wronged in the past. I know no one is perfect and I know that some people don't realize what they do hurts people. I don't want to play the victim and I don't like appearing vulnerable. Maybe that is why being jaded came so naturally. I do think I have had a good life, well better than a lot. I've never been Mr. Popular, but I always had someone to joke with. I meet girls online, and I feel like I overwhelm them. I mean, they show me some kindness and its like whoosh the floodgates open and I'm telling them about 2nd grade when the teacher tore up my writing assignments. I know this frightens them, and I always feel like I'm a bother, mostly repeating it to them until I do become one. I don't know why I act this way online, I am very shy irl, which is a combination of my self image and my personality I'm sure. Well it seems like this has turned into another woe is my I don't have a woman to talk to post again, but is it really that much to ask. Work has calmed down some, but as soon as I say that shit goes crazy again. If I make it through tomorrow I will have two days off. For the readers: A little background about the real Greg: I'm 22 will be 23 in February, I work at a small town isp doing a little bit of everything. I live in southern TN about 20 miles from the Jack Daniels distillery. My father has lived in the area all his life, he know auto mechanics but works produce at the local wal-mart, my mom is an associate minister at the local church and supplements her income by working at the bakery in wal-mart. I have no brothers or sisters I have a chihuahua, and a cat who I love very deeply. I listen to metal and alternative music, I enjoy movies/computer/home theater/live music. I would love to learn to play the guitar, but I am a decent drummer. I usually help my friends with their computer problems when they arise, I'm still addicted to eq. Most of my friends would say i'm easy going and have a great sense of humor once I open up. I used to smoke a lot of pot, but then I stopped. The big one that I dread telling people I haven't met, I am the internet fat guy we all make fun of. I get off work and 85% of the time I sit and use the internet and watch tv. It bothers me when I think about it a lot, but it seems like I still lack the motivation to change. I have a lot of facial hair and long hair almost to my shoulders (I really need to get a hair cut.) Well there it is, Greg on the platter. Dissect me, quote me, mock me, do what you will, but I am who am I. I think thats all I have to say tonight. -Greg (3 Comments |Comment on this)
8:00 am	8am is too early So apparently the schedule changed and I'm in the office this morning. Thats ok though, I'm off on Saturday. Still no heat in here so its a bit nippy. Signed up for the FV gift exchange yesterday. My only hope is that I don't get something vulgar or disgusting. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
11:04 am	Flood of Emotion Well it's finally happening. The cat is under the house and won't come out. It is where he always went when he was sick, and I assume it is where he will die. 17 years, a large portion of my life, I mean I've had death surround me, friends, aunts, grandma, grandpas, cousins, and more but it never gets any easier. I mean every day he was here, if it was sitting on my keyboard or asking for food, he was a constant. When I was sad, when I was worried, when I was happy, and now he is going away. I feel like there is a wrench in my soul, twisting and tightening. I know some may say its stupid to feel this way about an animal but he was damn better than half the people in the world. I know a grown man isn't supposed to break down like this, but ait hurts soo bad. The memories flood my mind, Well at least im off until friday from work so I can just be sad for a while. Current Mood: falling apart (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002
12:39 pm	Utter Chaos Not getting anything done at work today. It is like one of those days where you have a substitute teacher at school. We are all goofing off and assing around. My cat is still hanging on for now. Got half my Christmas shopping done, and I closed one of my credit card accounts. Let me tell you that was rough, I could have bought a new computer on it, but I resisted. I wonder what the people I know in real life would think if they saw this site and flamevault. I had another one of those dreams where I think I'm choking and I wake up in intense pain, I really need to get that checked out. Got the next two days off after today, maybe I will go get my hair cut. Well I'm out for now. Current Mood: calm (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 2nd, 2002
8:47 am	Stuff Fuck its cold in the office this morning, not to mention this coming in at 8am thing sucks. Oh well just took a couple shots of jager so I should be feeling warm and toasty soon. Been playing EQ with a few people its a nice break from the raiding being lfg thing. Things are still crazy at work, the admin quit last friday, so we are back on 5 day weeks. I guess its better since I still haven't bought Christmas gifts. Still no luck in the ladies department, but who knows things may change. Funny thought for the moment. "My dick is an equal opportunity employer. Current Mood: cold (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 28th, 2002
10:04 pm	Loneliness It seems like every day I feel more and more isolated. I mean I'm in a situation where I work with some of my old friends from high school every day, but when I come home after work I either play eq even though my friends don't anymore, or another video game until my mind is numb. One of my close friends started using crank so I decided that it wasn't a good element for me to be around. A few others have moved away or have girlfriends that take up their time. The crank smoker was the last person I really hung out with. Being home every night without speaking to anyone is not good. It leads to thoughts people shouldn't think. I don't have an outlet to meet new people male or female. I loathe going to clubs, and I definately don't need to start drinking. I don't even know why I'm putting this up for other people to see. I can't stand it when others post the im so lonely i could die threads in public forums. Maybe im just as bad as them. Know this, I don't post for your pity, I don't post for your comments or suggestions. I just post the let it out. It gives me a release, and I think I feel just a little bit better. Thats all for now. Current Mood: sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
12:57 pm	Whoooohoooooo Star Wars Galaxies CD showed up right before work today, and I come in to find out that we might be closing at 6pm tonight. Really looking foward to playing. Managed to get some friends to help with some of my monk's epic last night. Hoping to do the last two fights by this weekend, but we will see how that goes. My cat is still holding on, so it looks like he will live to see another turkey day. My sinuses are bothering me today, I really should get those checked out my a doctor. Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)